My brain says no but my pants say off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
