textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
