I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
