I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
