Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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