I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
