okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
