Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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