Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are we still banned from the library?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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