If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please come you make the beer taste better
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it penis luge time yet?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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