Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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