Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
