please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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