I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
