Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
