I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
