I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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