D3 body, D1 cock
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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