So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
