I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
