Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
