Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
