What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
two words...techno handjob
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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