Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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