so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
