Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
