I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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