So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
