My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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