Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
