do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
