I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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