Soap is not a condiment
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize