i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
