So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
