for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
