Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
