tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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