At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
