it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
