The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
