Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
