so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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