what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
