So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
