Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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