I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
