I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
