Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Floor bacon is actually really good
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
