he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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