We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
