1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
