Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
