I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
