when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
