so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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