I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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