he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
