Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
