eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
