drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
