During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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