I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
