so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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