she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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