i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
