I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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