You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
