wrigley field is MILF paradise
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize