Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
