My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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