HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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