my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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